I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Randomize
