Acid is not a monday night drug
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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