You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
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