Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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