i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
