I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Randomize