dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
sarcasm needs its own font
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Randomize
