No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
