i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
