sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
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