I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize