Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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