i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
it's like iHOP with fire
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
