tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
there was a trapeze. enough said
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
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