So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
