i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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