i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Randomize
