so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Randomize
