Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Randomize
