Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
