I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Randomize
