Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Randomize
