Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
