Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
