This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
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