i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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