70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Randomize
