God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
