It's a beautiful day for a hangover
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Randomize
