I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
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