You're my little dorito
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
