I should be sponsored by Trojan
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Randomize
