well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Randomize
