I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
