He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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