i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
