Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
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