a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
