I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
