Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
