I'd wear matching sweaters with you
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Randomize
