DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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