I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize