if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
it wasn't lemon gatorade
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
