Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
