After last night, I could never be a politician.
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
