So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
