You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Randomize
