I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Randomize
