Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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