Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
