I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I love you. Go after that dick
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
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