just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
