Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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