Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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