We should be called the Road Head Warriors
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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