JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
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