did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize