You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Randomize
