i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
