I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I believe in your delicious
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Randomize
