i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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