1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Never joke about your clitoris.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
