I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
