Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
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