Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
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