fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Randomize
