hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
