please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
