She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
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